GROW UP!!!

It’s mandatory for everyone to grow up i.e. mature.

What is maturity? We are all expected to change as we grow unless you’re not normal. But l have realized maturity is not so obvious.

They are people who still behave and reason the same way they did when they were kids/teens.

According to Wikipedia definition of maturity is the ability to respond to the environment in an appropriate manner. This response is generally learned rather than instinctive.  Maturity also encompasses being aware of the correct time and place to behave and knowing when to act, according to the circumstances and the culture of the society one lives in. So according to this definition we are expected to deliberately purpose to unlearn some childish behaviors and simply grow up.

I believe these are some of the things that shows one has matured;

1.      Keeping long-term commitments.

One key signal of maturity is the ability to delay gratification. Part of this means one is able to keep commitments. One can commit to continue doing what is right even when they don’t feel like it.

2.      Unshaken by flattery or criticism.

As people mature, they sooner or later understand that nothing is as good as it seems and nothing is as bad as it seems. Mature people can receive compliments or criticism without letting it ruin them or sway them into a distorted view of themselves. They are secure in their identity.

3.      Possessing a spirit of humility.

Humility parallels maturity. Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself. It is thinking of yourself less. Mature people aren’t consumed with drawing attention to themselves. They see how others have contributed to their success and can even sincerely give honor to their Creator who gave them the talent. This is the opposite of arrogance.

4.      Decisions are based on character not feelings.

Mature people live by values. They have principles that guide their decisions. They are able to progress beyond merely reacting to life’s options, and be proactive as they live their life. Their character is master over their emotions.

5.      Expresses gratitude consistently.

I have found the more I mature, the more grateful I am, for both big and little things. Immature children presume they deserve everything good that happens to them. Mature people see the big picture and realize how good they have it, compared to most of the world’s population.

6.      Prioritizes others before themselves.

A wise man once said: A mature person is one whose agenda revolves around others, not self. Certainly this can go to an extreme and be unhealthy, but I believe a pathway out of childishness is getting past your own desires and beginning to live to meet the needs of others less fortunate.

7.      Seeks wisdom before acting.

Finally, a mature person is teachable. They don’t presume they have all the answers. The wiser they get the more they realize they need more wisdom. They’re not ashamed of seeking counsel from wise people (parents, pastors, mentors) or from other sources. Only the wise seek wisdom.

So, please purpose to grow up, to mature and life will be bliss.

IT'S AN AMAZING FEELING TO BE AN EMOTIONALLY STABLE WOMAN!

Happy New Year to you all!

2014 was an amazing year for me but of course l had a few challenges but by God's Grace l managed to overcome them.
In 2014 i had a chance to be a guest in Woman Without Limits a program in Ntv hosted by Rev Kathy Kiuna. It was  dubbed "singles chat", with 10 single accomplished ladies and 10 single men. We started with the ladies and while at it,the host asked me a very intriguing question, about emotional stability. It took me by suprise because at that particular time l was going through a very tough time emotionally but for the sake of the show l gave her an answer which l would say was for the tv audience but in reality there was more than meets the eye.

 During the program she said something that really struck me....as to why it's so crucial for women to be emotionally stable because men can't stand unstable women emotionally and vice versa, l personally can't stand a man who can't hold it together. Immediately she said that, i realised part of the reason so many ladies are still single it's because they have no emotional intelligence and right then l wished  l had covered that in my book "I GOT IT ALL BUT STILL SINGLE?"
Emotional intelligence (EI) refers to the ability to perceive, control and evaluate emotions. The ability to express and control our own emotions is important, but so is our ability to understand, interpret, and respond to the emotions of others. Psychologists refer to this ability as emotional intelligence, and some experts even suggest that it can be more important than IQ.
 I have learnt through experience how admirable it is to have emotional intelligence. Being a cool,calm and collected lady as opposed to being a drama queen which is rather unattractive.
It demonstrates you are a lady who knows who she is and what she wants in life, a secure lady. Having been a "Drama Queen" at some point in my life,it is not a trait l was proud of at all and having worked on myself in regards my emotions it is such a great feeling to now be incharge of my emotions. You stand out like a queen and you attract great men your way unlike being a drama queen where l would attract not so good men. Remember you attract who you are. Be who you want to attract.
Being incharge of my emotions has greatly improved my personal life in all aspects and how l relate with people.
 We all probably  know someone who is a master at managing their emotions. At least l do, many and now can count myself in the same list.They don't get angry in stressful situations. Instead, they have the ability to look at a problem and calmly find a solution. They're excellent decision makers, and they know when to trust their intuition. Regardless of their strengths, however, they're usually willing to look at themselves honestly. They take criticism well, and they know when to use it to improve their performance.People like this have a high degree of emotional intelligence, or EI. They know themselves very well, and they're also able to sense the emotional needs of others.

Work on your emotions,study materials on how you can do that like l did and trust me you will realize it is so worth it. Your life will change for the better. Let's strive to be ladies who are in control of their emotions irregardless of our situations or "hormones". You can make that your new year resolution. God bless you all. 

Quit the desperation

Don’t spend the rest of your singlehood being jealous of those who already have husbands, nor throw tantrums at God for forgetting you. No more pity parties. You not going to put your life on hold as you do calculations on how God is going to give you a husband, when He is going to give you a husband, or wonder if He even intends to give you a husband. You must soberly determine what is beneficial for you to do between now and 'I DO'.

This is because biological clock has been blamed for making women settle for a Mr. Right Now instead of waiting a little bit longer for the Mr. Right. With so much fear that they may not be able to 'compete' with younger looking women, some make themselves so cheap and act desperately and clingy, and in so doing they make the men in their lives flee for dear life. Some have forced themselves in their men's lives so much so that you would think they were already married, and because men like free services like those of a cook, cleaner and such, they play along knowing that they will never pop the question to these women.

When you are busy losing your respect to a man who will never marry you, you are denying one who could be your Mr. Right the chance to meet and love you. You cannot afford to sabotage your future by acting like a wife to someone who will never make you one. Come on ladies, uphold your dignity!

The rush to be in a relationship, just to have someone in your life does not allow room for the establishment of the key ingredients of a healthy relationship, the love of self first.You would need to invest love in yourself first when you are looking for someone to love you.  However, as you begin to grow you will come to understand that the very key to having more love in your life. is to demonstrate to yourself that you are loveable.  You do this through self-mastery, self-care, and self-love.

The more we practice self-mastery the more we can look deep within and find the things our mirrors (relationships) show us about ourselves through the broken and troubled relationships we have had.  We begin to fix our issues and settle the trauma and drama that is going on within.  Once we come to a place where we are fully engaged in loving ourselves we are then ready to let go of our egos and allow love to naturally be a part of our experience.
Moving out of desperation for love is imperative to true harmonious relationships.  Both parties are engaged in relationship because they are comfortable in their own skin and bring to the table healthy, thinking and contemplative models that are prepared to do the necessary self-work that brings about the full beauty of the relationship.
Stop being desperate for love.  Desperate for a man or desperate for a woman.  Sit still and realize that desperation does not bring about the perfect relationship.  It brings you more pain and suffering as you complicate your life with a new experience that results in a painful ending for you to sort through another lesson.

Enjoy your season of Singlehood!!!

It is not a curse to be single. It is not wrong to fantasize about being married just like your friends. What is wrong is to spend your life being miserable or to put your life on hold, wasting God given precious moments simply because you feel like your shelf life is over or almost over and no man/woman seems interested in you.

You should therefore purpose to make the most of the season of singlehood because there are some things you can only be able to do when you are single, and there are some adventurous trips you can only make when you are single. With marriage and family come more responsibilities and

more lives and so you may not have the freedom to do what you want. You may not see it that way, but the same way marriage is a gift, so is singlehood. You should not waste one gift from one

pity party to another as you wait to get to the other, both should be enjoyed. To enjoy singlehood, we need to first of all stop feeding on some age old lies and annihilate them. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, so choose to enjoy your today. Joyce Meyer once said, “Enjoy where you are on your way to

where you are going.”

Contrary to some beliefs in some cultures that singlehood is a transition stage between childhood and marriage, it is key to know that it is a season just like any other. Depending on one's destiny which is unique, singlehood can also be a long term lifestyle choice so it is important that you know that even in a world of married couples, you still have an identity and a special place in the family of God. Some people say that one is not complete until they get married. This is a lie from hell –you are so complete! You do not need a man to complete you; you only need him to compliment you.

In response to some issues concerning marriage and being single, Paul said this:

“Now to the unmarried and to the widows I say: it is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than toburn with passion.” 1st Corinthians 7:8

There are several messages in this scripture but key to this article is the message that getting married is not the only God ordained lifestyle. Nowhere in the Bible is it written that it is mandatory for one to get married. Do not let familial and societal pressure to jump into a long term decision that you

might regret for the rest of your life. If you are convinced that marriage is not for you, then go ahead and enjoy being single. Avoid the rush because the grass is not greener on the other side.

Enjoy singlehood now and do not let anyone tell you that the grass is always greener on the other side of the matrimonial fence. Whether the grass is greener or not depends on the effort either side is making. Someone once made a joke that if the grass is greener on the other side then the water bill must be higher too!

Ask your married friends and some will tell you that 'happily ever after' is a thing that does not exist in most marriages and that if they could turn back the hands of time, they would not

cross over to the other side. Stop wasting precious time thinking that life would be much

better if only you were married. Some people think that their loneliness can be cured if only they could get married, only to realize later that marriage can be a very lonely place to be.

Others want to get married so that they can FINALLY be happy. Truth is, no one can make you happy, your marriage partner can only compliment your own happiness, so before you start thinking that the grass is greener on the other side, try making the grass on your lawn green as well. Strive to make it better even in singlehood. Quit the obsession to get married just because everyone of your friends is getting married. You might land on the other side of the fence only to realize that hidden by the green grass are some thorns/sewage.

Be single and satisfied!!!

© Copyrights 2014 by Nelly Gatonye.

Tips on How to Find a wife or be Found by your Husband

A MUST READ!!!
Resist the counterfeits.
A few bad habits can sabotage a relationship, yet single women seem to miss this. Some hang out with a "buddy," content with mere friendship, never daring to require him to state his intentions. Others have pre-marital sex and don't understand why their "partner" has no momentum toward marriage. Most
spend all their time with the same group, even after they've decided that no one in that group is a possible marriage partner.
These habits are pretty good for preventing weekend loneliness. But the very things singles do to avoid being alone on Saturday night may keep them alone for the rest of their lives.
If you want a mate who respects you, you've got to respect yourself. That means setting high standards for your relationships. Are you the gal guys come to for advice about other women? Do you spend all of your time with a guy who's not your boyfriend? Are you an open book with a man who hasn't asked for a commitment? If you've answered yes to any of these, you may need better boundaries to protect your time and your heart. This will help you resist the temptation to spend your prime years and best self on counterfeits.
On the flip side, approaching the opposite sex in a principled way can only enhance your relationships. Develop high character: Treat men with kindness; be honest; don't lie, gossip or manipulate; be trustworthy. Any guy worth marrying will notice.

Retain sexual power.
It's an old cliché but no less true today than when it was coined: Men don't buy a cow when they're getting the milk for free. If you're having sex outside of marriage, you're diminishing your sexual power and your ability to find a good match. Instead of enhancing your relationship, sex will dictate it, setting the agenda and biasing all of your decisions.
Unmet sexual longing is a powerful motivator for men and women alike. Many of our parents, and especially grandparents, had short courtships thanks to this natural force. Men having their sexual needs met casually have fewer reasons to sign up for all the responsibilities of marriage.
Sex should flow from a godly relationship. It was designed to sweeten a life of commitment. When couples partake of it prematurely, it tends to sicken, much like eating dessert before you've had dinner. Many Christians who've had premarital sex eventually marry, but this does little to alleviate their consciences and often results in disaster.

Reassess your options.
A lot of women have good friends who are men. They describe them by saying, "Oh, we're just friends; we've never thought of dating; we're not romantic." Too often we overlook men in the "just friends" category because we're not "attracted" to them. (My roommates and I were guilty of this.) Instead of asking who you're attracted to, start asking, Of my friends, who would be a godly husband, strong partner and good father? Looking at men this way, you might be surprised who you're attracted to!
Parents used to choose their daughters' husbands for them. You can be sure the last quality they considered was physical appearance. They knew externals played a minor role — if any — in creating a healthy family.
I'm not suggesting a return to those days — they had problems of their own — but we can borrow a principle from them: If a woman is paired with an upstanding man, love will have a chance to grow. We should look for men of outstanding integrity and pray for God to make the soil fertile for love to grow.

Check your expectations.
The statistics has detailed a trend among single men who date for recreation with one eye open for someone else. They have sex with their girlfriends but admit they'll never marry these girls because they're not "soul mates."
Most people want a mate who knows them at their deepest points and loves them fully. But the problem with the soul mate expectation is that you risk setting yourself up for failure. When asked to describe their soul mate, many singles imagine a person who "completes them" and vice versa. They assume their soul mate will love them exactly as they are and never ask them to change. But what happens when those two soul mates encounter the turbulence of marriage? These expectations cause them to doubt that they've found their "soul mate" after all.
Human relationships will always be flawed because we're fallen creatures. To expect otherwise is a setup for divorce.
Despite fantasies of marriage as an endless date, a lifelong partnership is actually about thriving in the day-to-day stuff of life: raising kids, paying the bills, cleaning the house, etc. A lasting marriage requires commitment, no matter what. You have to go into it expecting highs and lows. A good marriage can make the lows a lot more bearable, though.

Ask the people you know for help.
Until recently, marriage enjoyed culture-wide support. It was, for most people, a primary purpose of life. Friends and relatives were willing partners in helping singles meet the eligible bachelors in their lives. That's why it was beneficial to know people of different ages. If we only spend time with peers in the same season of life, the competition for available men will likely be fierce. But if our friends span the generations, it's probable they will know or be related to eligible men. And if these friends are believers in marriage — and they know you have marriage as a goal — they can be helpful allies.
Changing your way of relating to men may seem unnatural at first — and for some, not worth the effort. But if your goal is marriage, it makes sense to do what's in your power to achieve it. Don't misunderstand: You can't force it. There's no formula for making two people fall in love and commit their lives to one another. Besides, for singles who've committed their life to Christ, the timing is ultimately up to Him. But you still have a part to play. And if you're doing things that lead you away from the altar, why not purposefully change direction?
NB:
This is part of  my  book "l got it all but still single?" in regards  relationships.....its amazing.....your relationships will never be the same. Grab a copy for only kshs 500. From Jcc Bookshop or AACC Bookshop or Call 0721483698/0724874360

I GOT IT ALL BUT STILL SINGLE? INTRODUCTION

As a young girl l always had a strong desire to be found by a husband and so did my friends. Though we didn't discuss it in mixed company, we talked about it a lot. Contrary to what some girls would have you believe of them, it was probably the subject we thought and talked about most.

Back when we were young and we had just discovered that we were no longer children – when the hormones in our bodies started playing tricks on us, people used to get married in their teens or their late teens. That was probably before all the ‘save-the-girl-child campaigns’ gained roots almost everywhere.

We all admitted that our deepest longing, even more than career success, was to be found by that one tall, dark and handsome man that would say, ‘you are the bone from my bone.’ Personally, I looked forward to the  day I would become someone’s wife and a mother. This I believe was and still is a natural feeling, because God made it that way; a natural and wonderful feeling to yearn for companionship and to be in love.

Fast forward to today, some of us cannot bear a visit to the village because of the comments we get from well meaning family members and friends who seem to wonder why we are yet to take a man to our parents.

There is a high number of women who want to get married as soon as possible, and most of us ladies now sit around a coffee table sharing our litany of woes, and bemoaning how most of our male friends were either not marriage material or already taken. We try to hang on to hope as birthdays come and go. With most of us now educated, and with successful careers, we'd often wonder if, in the midst of our clumsy attempts at love, we weren't making matters worse by getting our master's degrees first. Especially for a successful, born again, sanctified, Spirit filled, water baptized,  and demon casting sisters, commitment in relationships and marriage can sometimes seem far off the radar. Some are prepared to give it all up — the career, the big salary, the trappings of success — should the right man come along. But the men in our lives don't know we feel that way. What if, we worry, we finally meet someone and he interprets our ambition the wrong way?

That's how the idea of writing this book came about. I realized I needed to be brutally honest with myself at a very personal level. I started by initiating conversations about marriage among my friends — not as it relates to me and the guy am interested in specifically, but generally, the same way one would  have a group discussion about politics or religion. I didn't shy away from other tough subjects when we were together; so why not bring up something even more important?

It really came down to one word: intentionality. Modern women are known for high achievement in every area but the one we say we value the most: relationships. Sadly, we're members of a generation which on the whole, desires marriage, but doesn't know how to get there or believes there's no rush to make it happen.

When it comes to committed relationships, we tend to be drifters –not having a set purpose of specific expectation in that relationship. I know I was. I spent nearly a year as so-and-so’s buddy. It took me a long time to finally ask for something more.

It turns out there are things you can do to move a relationship forward. But you have to know what not to do first. I welcome everyone to journey with me, and enjoy reading this book, and hopefully we will see where we went wrong and what we can do about it before it is too late. May it leave you with an expanded mind and an open eye, so that you may be able to be awakened to the promise of the bounty that God intended us to have when He saw that it was alright for Adam to have Eve, and for Eve to have Adam.

Please be warned that this book has been based on generalization so there obviously are a few exceptions and as such, if anyone would protest some points, it is understandable.

"I GOT IT ALL BUT STILL SINGLE?" BOOK LAUNCH

 Am very happy and nervous as l await to birth a book that l believe will help many single ladies willing to get married.
It's a life changing book, and it was birthed as l was doing an evaluation of my singleness.Am not saying am not happy to be Single because it's very crucial to love yourself, be complete and happy before engaging yourself in any form of relationship because you can't give what you don't have and your partner should only compliment you and not otherwise.and so what was really bothering me was the fact that l was not getting any younger and yet l didn't seem to have any tangible sign l was going to get married soon.And people close to me would never stop asking when is the big day to a point it was annoying but maybe because it was reality dawning on me and that they were just reminding me its time..
And so, this  inspired me to write this book because l realised something was a miss......and this was because of the fact that l was still single and yet l had everything else in my life going well except in the area of finding my love.I did'nt quite understand why it was so and yet l was ready to get married.I then decided to do a self evaluation as to what could be the reason or problem and l also started engaging my friends with the topic as to why we had so many career oriented ladies still single despite having everything else.....God fearing,success,well educated,great personality.....etc and still no one to call baibe,or honey or sweety or darling or my love,my boo etc.........
l took a  bold step and embarked the journey of answering the unspoken questions....which eventually became a book of "I GOT IT ALL BUT STILL SINGLE?"

I look forward to launching this book in two weeks time and trust it will be an eye opener to my fellow ladies.