Enjoy your season of Singlehood!!!

It is not a curse to be single. It is not wrong to fantasize about being married just like your friends. What is wrong is to spend your life being miserable or to put your life on hold, wasting God given precious moments simply because you feel like your shelf life is over or almost over and no man/woman seems interested in you.

You should therefore purpose to make the most of the season of singlehood because there are some things you can only be able to do when you are single, and there are some adventurous trips you can only make when you are single. With marriage and family come more responsibilities and

more lives and so you may not have the freedom to do what you want. You may not see it that way, but the same way marriage is a gift, so is singlehood. You should not waste one gift from one

pity party to another as you wait to get to the other, both should be enjoyed. To enjoy singlehood, we need to first of all stop feeding on some age old lies and annihilate them. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, so choose to enjoy your today. Joyce Meyer once said, “Enjoy where you are on your way to

where you are going.”

Contrary to some beliefs in some cultures that singlehood is a transition stage between childhood and marriage, it is key to know that it is a season just like any other. Depending on one's destiny which is unique, singlehood can also be a long term lifestyle choice so it is important that you know that even in a world of married couples, you still have an identity and a special place in the family of God. Some people say that one is not complete until they get married. This is a lie from hell –you are so complete! You do not need a man to complete you; you only need him to compliment you.

In response to some issues concerning marriage and being single, Paul said this:

“Now to the unmarried and to the widows I say: it is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than toburn with passion.” 1st Corinthians 7:8

There are several messages in this scripture but key to this article is the message that getting married is not the only God ordained lifestyle. Nowhere in the Bible is it written that it is mandatory for one to get married. Do not let familial and societal pressure to jump into a long term decision that you

might regret for the rest of your life. If you are convinced that marriage is not for you, then go ahead and enjoy being single. Avoid the rush because the grass is not greener on the other side.

Enjoy singlehood now and do not let anyone tell you that the grass is always greener on the other side of the matrimonial fence. Whether the grass is greener or not depends on the effort either side is making. Someone once made a joke that if the grass is greener on the other side then the water bill must be higher too!

Ask your married friends and some will tell you that 'happily ever after' is a thing that does not exist in most marriages and that if they could turn back the hands of time, they would not

cross over to the other side. Stop wasting precious time thinking that life would be much

better if only you were married. Some people think that their loneliness can be cured if only they could get married, only to realize later that marriage can be a very lonely place to be.

Others want to get married so that they can FINALLY be happy. Truth is, no one can make you happy, your marriage partner can only compliment your own happiness, so before you start thinking that the grass is greener on the other side, try making the grass on your lawn green as well. Strive to make it better even in singlehood. Quit the obsession to get married just because everyone of your friends is getting married. You might land on the other side of the fence only to realize that hidden by the green grass are some thorns/sewage.

Be single and satisfied!!!

© Copyrights 2014 by Nelly Gatonye.

Tips on How to Find a wife or be Found by your Husband

A MUST READ!!!
Resist the counterfeits.
A few bad habits can sabotage a relationship, yet single women seem to miss this. Some hang out with a "buddy," content with mere friendship, never daring to require him to state his intentions. Others have pre-marital sex and don't understand why their "partner" has no momentum toward marriage. Most
spend all their time with the same group, even after they've decided that no one in that group is a possible marriage partner.
These habits are pretty good for preventing weekend loneliness. But the very things singles do to avoid being alone on Saturday night may keep them alone for the rest of their lives.
If you want a mate who respects you, you've got to respect yourself. That means setting high standards for your relationships. Are you the gal guys come to for advice about other women? Do you spend all of your time with a guy who's not your boyfriend? Are you an open book with a man who hasn't asked for a commitment? If you've answered yes to any of these, you may need better boundaries to protect your time and your heart. This will help you resist the temptation to spend your prime years and best self on counterfeits.
On the flip side, approaching the opposite sex in a principled way can only enhance your relationships. Develop high character: Treat men with kindness; be honest; don't lie, gossip or manipulate; be trustworthy. Any guy worth marrying will notice.

Retain sexual power.
It's an old cliché but no less true today than when it was coined: Men don't buy a cow when they're getting the milk for free. If you're having sex outside of marriage, you're diminishing your sexual power and your ability to find a good match. Instead of enhancing your relationship, sex will dictate it, setting the agenda and biasing all of your decisions.
Unmet sexual longing is a powerful motivator for men and women alike. Many of our parents, and especially grandparents, had short courtships thanks to this natural force. Men having their sexual needs met casually have fewer reasons to sign up for all the responsibilities of marriage.
Sex should flow from a godly relationship. It was designed to sweeten a life of commitment. When couples partake of it prematurely, it tends to sicken, much like eating dessert before you've had dinner. Many Christians who've had premarital sex eventually marry, but this does little to alleviate their consciences and often results in disaster.

Reassess your options.
A lot of women have good friends who are men. They describe them by saying, "Oh, we're just friends; we've never thought of dating; we're not romantic." Too often we overlook men in the "just friends" category because we're not "attracted" to them. (My roommates and I were guilty of this.) Instead of asking who you're attracted to, start asking, Of my friends, who would be a godly husband, strong partner and good father? Looking at men this way, you might be surprised who you're attracted to!
Parents used to choose their daughters' husbands for them. You can be sure the last quality they considered was physical appearance. They knew externals played a minor role — if any — in creating a healthy family.
I'm not suggesting a return to those days — they had problems of their own — but we can borrow a principle from them: If a woman is paired with an upstanding man, love will have a chance to grow. We should look for men of outstanding integrity and pray for God to make the soil fertile for love to grow.

Check your expectations.
The statistics has detailed a trend among single men who date for recreation with one eye open for someone else. They have sex with their girlfriends but admit they'll never marry these girls because they're not "soul mates."
Most people want a mate who knows them at their deepest points and loves them fully. But the problem with the soul mate expectation is that you risk setting yourself up for failure. When asked to describe their soul mate, many singles imagine a person who "completes them" and vice versa. They assume their soul mate will love them exactly as they are and never ask them to change. But what happens when those two soul mates encounter the turbulence of marriage? These expectations cause them to doubt that they've found their "soul mate" after all.
Human relationships will always be flawed because we're fallen creatures. To expect otherwise is a setup for divorce.
Despite fantasies of marriage as an endless date, a lifelong partnership is actually about thriving in the day-to-day stuff of life: raising kids, paying the bills, cleaning the house, etc. A lasting marriage requires commitment, no matter what. You have to go into it expecting highs and lows. A good marriage can make the lows a lot more bearable, though.

Ask the people you know for help.
Until recently, marriage enjoyed culture-wide support. It was, for most people, a primary purpose of life. Friends and relatives were willing partners in helping singles meet the eligible bachelors in their lives. That's why it was beneficial to know people of different ages. If we only spend time with peers in the same season of life, the competition for available men will likely be fierce. But if our friends span the generations, it's probable they will know or be related to eligible men. And if these friends are believers in marriage — and they know you have marriage as a goal — they can be helpful allies.
Changing your way of relating to men may seem unnatural at first — and for some, not worth the effort. But if your goal is marriage, it makes sense to do what's in your power to achieve it. Don't misunderstand: You can't force it. There's no formula for making two people fall in love and commit their lives to one another. Besides, for singles who've committed their life to Christ, the timing is ultimately up to Him. But you still have a part to play. And if you're doing things that lead you away from the altar, why not purposefully change direction?
NB:
This is part of  my  book "l got it all but still single?" in regards  relationships.....its amazing.....your relationships will never be the same. Grab a copy for only kshs 500. From Jcc Bookshop or AACC Bookshop or Call 0721483698/0724874360

I GOT IT ALL BUT STILL SINGLE? INTRODUCTION

As a young girl l always had a strong desire to be found by a husband and so did my friends. Though we didn't discuss it in mixed company, we talked about it a lot. Contrary to what some girls would have you believe of them, it was probably the subject we thought and talked about most.

Back when we were young and we had just discovered that we were no longer children – when the hormones in our bodies started playing tricks on us, people used to get married in their teens or their late teens. That was probably before all the ‘save-the-girl-child campaigns’ gained roots almost everywhere.

We all admitted that our deepest longing, even more than career success, was to be found by that one tall, dark and handsome man that would say, ‘you are the bone from my bone.’ Personally, I looked forward to the  day I would become someone’s wife and a mother. This I believe was and still is a natural feeling, because God made it that way; a natural and wonderful feeling to yearn for companionship and to be in love.

Fast forward to today, some of us cannot bear a visit to the village because of the comments we get from well meaning family members and friends who seem to wonder why we are yet to take a man to our parents.

There is a high number of women who want to get married as soon as possible, and most of us ladies now sit around a coffee table sharing our litany of woes, and bemoaning how most of our male friends were either not marriage material or already taken. We try to hang on to hope as birthdays come and go. With most of us now educated, and with successful careers, we'd often wonder if, in the midst of our clumsy attempts at love, we weren't making matters worse by getting our master's degrees first. Especially for a successful, born again, sanctified, Spirit filled, water baptized,  and demon casting sisters, commitment in relationships and marriage can sometimes seem far off the radar. Some are prepared to give it all up — the career, the big salary, the trappings of success — should the right man come along. But the men in our lives don't know we feel that way. What if, we worry, we finally meet someone and he interprets our ambition the wrong way?

That's how the idea of writing this book came about. I realized I needed to be brutally honest with myself at a very personal level. I started by initiating conversations about marriage among my friends — not as it relates to me and the guy am interested in specifically, but generally, the same way one would  have a group discussion about politics or religion. I didn't shy away from other tough subjects when we were together; so why not bring up something even more important?

It really came down to one word: intentionality. Modern women are known for high achievement in every area but the one we say we value the most: relationships. Sadly, we're members of a generation which on the whole, desires marriage, but doesn't know how to get there or believes there's no rush to make it happen.

When it comes to committed relationships, we tend to be drifters –not having a set purpose of specific expectation in that relationship. I know I was. I spent nearly a year as so-and-so’s buddy. It took me a long time to finally ask for something more.

It turns out there are things you can do to move a relationship forward. But you have to know what not to do first. I welcome everyone to journey with me, and enjoy reading this book, and hopefully we will see where we went wrong and what we can do about it before it is too late. May it leave you with an expanded mind and an open eye, so that you may be able to be awakened to the promise of the bounty that God intended us to have when He saw that it was alright for Adam to have Eve, and for Eve to have Adam.

Please be warned that this book has been based on generalization so there obviously are a few exceptions and as such, if anyone would protest some points, it is understandable.

"I GOT IT ALL BUT STILL SINGLE?" BOOK LAUNCH

 Am very happy and nervous as l await to birth a book that l believe will help many single ladies willing to get married.
It's a life changing book, and it was birthed as l was doing an evaluation of my singleness.Am not saying am not happy to be Single because it's very crucial to love yourself, be complete and happy before engaging yourself in any form of relationship because you can't give what you don't have and your partner should only compliment you and not otherwise.and so what was really bothering me was the fact that l was not getting any younger and yet l didn't seem to have any tangible sign l was going to get married soon.And people close to me would never stop asking when is the big day to a point it was annoying but maybe because it was reality dawning on me and that they were just reminding me its time..
And so, this  inspired me to write this book because l realised something was a miss......and this was because of the fact that l was still single and yet l had everything else in my life going well except in the area of finding my love.I did'nt quite understand why it was so and yet l was ready to get married.I then decided to do a self evaluation as to what could be the reason or problem and l also started engaging my friends with the topic as to why we had so many career oriented ladies still single despite having everything else.....God fearing,success,well educated,great personality.....etc and still no one to call baibe,or honey or sweety or darling or my love,my boo etc.........
l took a  bold step and embarked the journey of answering the unspoken questions....which eventually became a book of "I GOT IT ALL BUT STILL SINGLE?"

I look forward to launching this book in two weeks time and trust it will be an eye opener to my fellow ladies.

Education System Part 2

As promised......this is the continuation of my previous blog of education system........
Achievers in life use inspiration and motivation to overcome barriers. Teaching to the test does not inspire or motivate anyone, memorizing does not inspire a love to learn, in fact, it does just the opposite, it turns off the desire to learn. Education’s goal should be to develop a love to learn that stays with students throughout a lifetime. Education should be a lifetime experience, not limited to the youth years.


Educators are switching to test because there is a crisis in education of their own making and society wants measurable results. This pressure is passed on to political leaders who base political decisions on what is measurable, which is academic test and test are based on acceptance of the status quo. Every student must now accept the status quo and be an academic intellectual or be labeled a failure. Natural talent and knowledge processing skills does not count. Students receiving the failure label are growing in numbers and percent, all because the system measures selected knowledge on a one day standardized paper test.Really "after 8 years in Primary School....one exam called KCPE determines if you are qualified to join High School?????........Wooow...what if l was a performer in the last 8years and l fell sick during exam week and l don't perform as well...then what....all my past performance goes to waste....wow,,,OK.

Consider the parent who is having a problem with a word processor. On their own they can’t solve the problem. They have been collecting knowledge for years, but their knowledge processor is in hibernation. With any new gadget someone has to teach them, they can’t figure it out for themselves. Their thirteen-year-old boy comes to the rescue. He has limited knowledge, but he knows how to processes available information. He explores the word processor problem until he finds a solution. He is not unusually smart, this is a teenager’s natural approach to finding solutions.

All young children have a natural talent for creative process of information. It’s during the teen years that natural creative processing is replaced with the status quo. The status quo memorizes knowledge and forgets how to process it. In the classroom, memorizing is what counts. Standardized test reinforces the status quo. It kills creative processing ability. Status quo attitudes will follow them into adult life where they will have to ask their children for help.

Today any student who refuses to accept the status quo is labeled a troublemaker. The student now behaves in the classroom with glassy eyes and school officials receive high performance ratings. The student may get passing grades and land a job with a comfortable wage, but that will be all. Teenage dreams of great ambitions are gone.

Fact: Self-made millionaires are not "A" students in the classroom. The way they process knowledge is in conflict with classroom priorities. The self-made millionaire has a vision, then he researches specific knowledge, applies intuitive knowledge and process all elements, searching for a workable solution. Finding alternative ways to do common tasks makes millionaires. The secret is vision, research and processing, not pre stored knowledge alone.

The typical employer wants employees with dictionary knowledge, not visionaries. They want employees who follow orders, are willing to do repetitive tasks, be happy with a limited role, and accept the status quo. Repetitive tasks' is efficiency and this is where profits are made. Also, accepting the status quo prevents the exposure of blunders by leaders. Too many blunders and profits disappear. In a status quo environment visionaries become bored quickly and soon receive the troublemaker label by offering alternatives or exposing blunders, sometimes leading to dismissal, yet, their ideas increase efficiency and create new sources of profits for the company. In the long haul, visionaries are the one’s who make above average wages no matter what their formal education level. As these students move into the workforce, status quo and blunders will kill off the typical business. This explains why generation "Y"and "Z" are considered "Troublemakers".

What can be considered a quality education? A quality education is custom design that addresses the unique abilities of each student and has a positive emotional experience. Custom education evaluates natural talent and how the student learns. This is why home schooled students out perform classroom students. Parents learn what works and does not work, then focus on what works. With this method, students develop a love to learn and learning becomes a lifelong process.

What type of education environment, do you think, will produce consistent winners?
E-learning is becoming an education model that the present system cannot compete with. It is focusing on what motivates rather than what the system thinks is good for students. It is also leaving out politicians, textbook industries, testing companies, and unions. These forces are now fighting back, trying to maintain a system that is in their interest, not the students. At this time, they are focusing on standardized testing, which seems to be a last ditch effort to maintain the status quo.

There is light at the end of the tunnel........of "Quality Education"!!!!! Must congratulate USIU-Nairobi. They offer quality education.Their grading system is not based on exam/test only....they consider other factors too...such as participation in class,team-work via group work,continuous assessment......etc

The United States International University (USIU) was founded in 1969 as the first private secular university in Kenya. Today, USIU is considered one of the top universities in East Africa. USIU is accredited in the USA by the Western Association of Schools and Colleges, and in Kenya by the Commission for Higher Education.The University strives to provide a diverse community of learners with high-quality, broad-based educational programs that promote inquiry, mastery and application of knowledge, concepts and skills, while fostering ethical leadership and responsible service.

Am a proud Alumni of USIU. For more details about USIU.....check out http://usiu.ac.ke/

Education System Part 1

What can l say....am so impressed with the new government choice of cabinet. Finally we have a government that appreciates education/professionalism.For a moment l was beginning to wander if education is becoming an endangered species.....if there is anything like that. With so many people stating,it doesn't matter if one is educated or not.This has gone as far as the pulpit and worried me.Am not saying one cannot succeed without education,by all means you can and they are t-shirts to show for it.My problem is when people in authority sought of discourage the upcoming generation in regards education. In my opinion those people have missed the point,there is nothing wrong with being educated,,,,it is the system and the motive. Why does one need education? Is it for success? Is it to get/earn more money? Is it for prestige? Is it to gain more knowledge? Just why do you need to be educated???

According to wikipedia definition.....
Education in its general sense is a form of learning in which knowledge, skills, and habits of a group of people are transferred from one generation to the next through teaching, training, research. Generally, it occurs through any experience that has a formative effect on the way one thinks, feels, or acts.

Again let me ask,what is education? Is it knowledge in basic skills, academics, technical disciplines, citizenship…or is it something else? Our formal education system says only the academic basics are important, emphasizing the collection of knowledge without understanding its value. What about the processing of knowledge—using inspiration, visionary ambitions, creativity, risk, motivation and the ability to bounce back from failure? These skills are associated with understanding the value of knowledge, but many education institutions don’t consider these skills. There is a huge, disconnected gap, which is a problem for most "educated" people.

With this...l think l somehow understand why the people considered "less educated" have achieved so much regardless....They know how to research, collect information for a selected project and process knowledge.
 On the otherhand...the so "highly educated" went through a classroom environment that focuses on the collection of knowledge without a clear purpose, other than high class grades. If the purpose does not motivate, other than to please the teacher, then there is nothing to process outside of memorizing answers for test. The typical student is academic challenged while being motivation starved. Lack of motivation is lack of knowledge processing skills. The typical college graduate will have a professional skill that supplies life’s basic needs, that’s all.
Our education system states anyone who does not have the ability to put clear thoughts on paper is labeled a failure. All natural skills, including knowledge processing, does not count. The fact is, what is exercised grows stronger, what is ignored stays dormant. The classroom exercises the collection of academics leaving all other natural skills in the closet.
Just so you know the test does not measure intelligence or ability, it does not measure how the mind processes information, how motivating experiences develop persistence, or how the mind sorts out instincts, opinions, evaluations, possibilities, alternatives. Knowledge by itself has no value, it is like a dictionary filled with words. Words by themselves have no value, it is the process of stringing them together that gives them value.
How they are strung together determines the level of value. Now our education system is becoming a system that memorizes the dictionary. When students have memorized selected knowledge, then they will be given a one-day test, based on dictionary knowledge, which will influence employment opportunity for the rest of their life. Natural skills are not considered. Is this how Kenya will became the worlds' economic leader in Africa? NO!!!!!!! Knowledge only has value when used with a process and process in an artificial environment is not predictable or measurable.
 I will write more of this in the next blog..............

Education is still very important

I don't have the word "give up" in my vocabulary,l believe l can achieve whatever l want for as long as l believe.Doing CPA's from section 1 to 6 taught me determination.Since then l have achieved alot.
Am a strong believer who loves God with all that l have and to Him l give all the Glory for bringing me this far. And just cause l did accounts,l have not limited my life to that....l have now acquired an MBA in Strategic Management.
I am at a point in my life am doing all l can to apply the knowledge l got.I am a graduate with a difference. I apply what l got in my daily life.I distinguish myself from others by doing not just professional work,but excellent work with lots of creativity.My work demonstrates the paper l got....

I have not allowed education to limit my creativity,instead,l use it to enhance it.
Education that can take you places its the one that you apply...theory with no application has no value.
Its time anyone who is learned breaks the stereotype that learned people are only focused to do white collar jobs. Education is just a guideline,its not a means to an end. It also gives you a platform to prove yourself unlike someone else who does not have it and has to work extra hard to prove their point,they can do a particular job even without a certificate to show for it.

Yes we have stories of people who have made it in life without much education but its important to note,they got those ideas while in school.Good example...Bill Gates was a 2nd year when he got the idea of microsoft. Gates graduated from Lakeside School in 1973. He scored 1590 out of 1600 on the SAT and enrolled at Harvard College in the autumn of 1973.Gates did not have a definite study plan while a student at Harvard and spent a lot of time using the school's computers.Gates dropped out of Harvard to start his own company....Please note he was in school when he got the idea........

So yes...its ok to be an entrepreneur but don't playdown education....Food for thought.